Yes I’m English and I admit it. So you may have doubts regarding my ability to write about complaining. After all, don’t the English have a reputation for saying sorry when someone steps on their foot and murmuring ‘that was lovely’ after having been served a bad meal and as they are rushed to hospital?

Well maybe some years ago that was true but we’ve come a long way baby!

Somehow we have all jumped a hurdle in unison and now we can complain with the best of ‘em. To our amazement it is working and so, having only recently learnt the art, it is still fresh in my mind.

To relate this to an internet purchase when the garment of your dreams turns out to be your wildest nightmare, just how do you go about getting a refund?

Starting out with - ‘you crook, you deliberately misled me, your measurements are wrong; this dress has more holes than a Swiss cheese; are you colour blind and I’m gonna sue’ – is probably not the best way to get a seller on your side in your first email. One of the key secrets to a successful negotiation is to be sure of your facts.

Crook!

Before you claim that the seller is a misleading crook, re-read the item’s description. Did you read it carefully before you bid on your item? Did you miss something?

If there is indeed something untoward about the description and it doesn’t match the garment, contact the seller pointing it out. Be firm; say that they didn’t mention that the dress had a broken zipper in the description. Suggest an option or two that would appease you. For example, you may love the dress and be prepared to have a new zipper put in. Get an idea of the cost and request that you be reimbursed. Or, if you really just want your money back say so, but politely. Give the seller the benefit of the doubt; they may be only too willing to make it up to you because most sellers want happy buyers.

Your measurements are wrong.

Sure it’s possible. But before you write telling a seller this, have you measured yourself lately? Sellers are often obsessive about measuring because they know that if they are in error, this gives their buyer just cause to request a refund.

So before writing to moan, measure yourself then measure a garment you have that (still) fits you. Finally, measure the item you bought and check it against the seller’s given measurements. Did they really get it wrong or have you gone up a dress size or five? It can be tempting to imagine fondly that a dress will fit when you love it beyond reason.

If it is inaccurate write to the seller and tell them that they made a mistake. Say you accept that it is easy to do but the garment doesn’t fit therefore; you would like to return it as it is not fit for the purpose you bought it. Tell the seller that you are prepared to wait to be compensated when the garment is safely back with her/him. If you resist demanding your money is returned before the seller has their item back, you are demonstrating that your claim is honest and you aren’t trying to get a refund with no intention of sending the garment back. This positions you as reasonable person to the seller, who is more likely to be reasonable in return.

If you do extend this trust then it is advisable to get a certificate of posting/signed on delivery receipt so that there can be no question later on.

Say cheese

Just how big are the holes? Were they mentioned? Are they so tiny that they would be easy to miss? If the ‘holes’ are in reality one teensy pinprick then be realistic. Vintage clothing is old and most times, previously worn. Even a new with tags garment has probably been stored for decades. If you are someone who wants perfect then you should consider whether buying vintage is for you.

If the outfit does indeed resemble a moth fest and there was no mention of the inbuilt air conditioning you certainly are well within your rights to point this out to the seller and request a refund. Also consider invisible mending by a professional and if ideally you would like to retain the item, find out the repair cost and see if the seller might be willing to pay for that.

Colour me stupid

Unfortunately pc monitors are not always true to colour. Red is notoriously difficult to photograph and a true colour representation is rare. Also someone’s idea of banana yellow may not be the same as yours. There are many ways to describe a shade of yellow - canary, lemon and buttercup – accept that there may be slight colour variations to the one you perceived.

Complaining about colour only really applies if the seller has said brown when the garment is obviously a shade of tangerine. Try not to be too fixed in your expectation of shade and put it down to opinion.

Hold your Horses.

Do you really want to threaten someone with litigation over a purchase before they have even had time to respond? If you and your seller are not seeing eye to eye and you believe that you are in the right, seek mediation, seek peace, seek chocolate but above all seek common sense. Litigation can be a very long and expensive road and there are never any guarantees that you’ll win.

Sometimes it is just better to put it down to experience and withhold any further custom from a bad seller. If there is a feedback facility then do leave a negative, but don’t do so vindictively and don’t over egg the pudding. State the facts so that other buyers get the chance to read it and make a judgement call. Remember too that sellers check a buyer’s feedback and that they have the right to block bids from a buyer who sounds like trouble. If your comments are polite and factual as opposed crazed and nasty, your own reputation will hold up to perusal.

Buyers’ Remorse

Never attempt to complain about an item as a ruse to get out of buying it. Sellers are rarely fooled by this and generally manufactured excuses are transparent. We have all bought something that, in hindsight, we wish we hadn’t. It is not the seller’s fault. If you want to see if the seller would be willing to take it back, write asking them so and immediately offer to pay a restocking fee. It costs a seller to put an item up for auction both in actual expenses and their time to do so. One can’t expect them to take the fall for a mistake on your part. Not all sellers will accept returns when they are not at fault. Indeed some state no returns unless an item has been misrepresented on their auction. Ask by all means but if they refuse, accept this with grace and try reselling the item yourself. You never know, you may even make a profit. Just hope that when your buyer receives the item that you don’t get an email, which begins, “Dear crook….”

And Finally...

Where possible always buy from a reputable buyer. Look for the percentage rating on eBay feedback. If it is not as 'healthy' as you would like, take the time to read the negative comments. It is very telling if every comment says virtually the same thing such as, 'paid for item but never received it" to 'took ages to arrive' and 'seller totally misrepresented the item'. This is a good indicator of a potential future problem with your intended purchase. Also look to see if the seller is a Member of the Vintage Fashion Guild by checking the member list here, because our members seek to excel in terms of the quality and description of their wares and customer service.